Dear 5-year olds that share my gene pool and home,
Just because you tell me you love me after I tell you to sit down and eat your dinner doesn’t mean you are off the hook. A verbal I Love You isn’t like a get-out-of-jail-free card. You are not free to do whatever you please once you’ve uttered those seemingly magical words to me. You live under the domain of mommy law. You eat what I fix you when I tell you to eat it.
And just because I don’t tell you I Love You back right that second doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you. It means I’m wise to your shenanigans and will not be fooled or distracted by the 5 year old fruit of my loins.
Furthermore, stomping off once I’ve fussed at you for not following my directions and hiding under your beds is completely unacceptable. Next time you have that impulse, I hope you remember all of the toys that ended up in the trash after your little rebellion.
In conclusion, just because you are really cute and know how to work it to your advantage, doesn’t mean mommy won’t do what needs to be done to teach you how to be upstanding members of society.
PS. I love you, you little twerps!